Forget money, sex is what really makes the world go round. Without it, at it’s very basic level, the world would be a pretty empty place. But aside from procreation and the future of mankind, sex is still a basic necessity.
In your late teens (I’m a mother of a teenager, I’m trying to be sensible here) sex is mostly awkward, nervous and not really that enjoyable, until you start to know what you’re doing. In your 20’s it becomes more about having fun, maybe with as many people as you fancy, maybe not. Weekends revolve around looking as hot as you can in the best places around as many beautiful people as possible. Obviously we’re all different and I’m not speaking for the population as a whole, so, you know, no judging needed.
Newly married sex is a thing. It’s when you feel connected to your spouse on a whole other level because you’ve recently said I do. It’s kind of like a married high.
Then there’s the baby making sex. Which, in my own personal experience, is not as fun as I was expecting. I spent my late teens and very early twenties completely paranoid about getting pregnant every time I so much as looked at the blokes genitals, only to find out that it wasn’t actually that easy. Temperature charting, ovulation dating and ‘the best positions for sperm motility’ kind of rip the sexiness out of sex. Ironic!
I’m in my 30’s, so I can’t go any further than this decade yet, (unless someone in their 40’s wants to submit a piece for The Take) but for me, and my friends in the same age bracket, sex in your 30’s is all about the pleasure. Gone are the days where you feel too nervous to vocalise what you want, or too shy to say, “….actually, I find this really hot….”
Body confidence is different in this decade too. You (hopefully) know who you are and your own worth, and not being a size 10 doesn’t affect how good you are between the sheets. A woman in her 30’s knows exactly what she wants, and has the balls to say it. Pun intended.
Some 30 somethings are still dating, still doing their single thing, however they want to do it, but there are others who have hung up the single years and replaced them wedding rings and kids. Me being one of them. And, while single sex is hot as hell, married sex doesn’t have to be boring. Otherwise, you know, we’d all only have one kid and a lot of divorces.
There’s something to be said for the familiarness of waking up the same bloke every day. Security in knowing how he ticks and what buttons to press. A sense of safety in feeling that familiar poke in the back at the weekend.
But it’s all too easy to get complacent. Too easy to fall into the ‘too busy to bonk’ routine. Early mornings and late nights, busy work schedules, small people who don’t appreciate the knock before you enter rule. Family ties, money worries, DIY lists, the list is endless. If you’re not careful, the vet bill suddenly becomes more important than yours and your partners pleasure and you’ve forgotten what a good screw feels like.
Use it or lose it.
Married sex can be, and has to be, as good as single sex. It can even be better. You know each other and trust each other so let loose! Do flirting (with each other) do role play, do orgies, hell, do sex shows if you want, do whatever you like (do it sensibly and safely though, obviously) just don’t lose sight of who you both are as a couple, just because you have real life ties and commitments that mean you have to be responsible the other 99% of the time.
I can’t be the only one who’s fed up of reading about all the fun single people can have, whilst making us marrieds look like we’re heading off for a retreat at the local convent. Remember what made you tick when you first met, times that by trust, respect, confidence and maturity and go get your rocks off.
Kate is a writer who finds it almost impossible to call herself one & thinks people who talk about themselves in the third person are weird. She finds it practically impossible to take herself seriously. She’s 38 and lives in Surrey with her family. She is obsessed with the moon, crystals and recycling & she writes about beauty, interiors and her life as she knows it.